Intro

Few shows ever captured my attention like The X-Files. It had it all. An effortless blend of horror, sci-fi and police procedural, it was one of the first “Must-See TV” experiences I ever had.

I’ve rewatched the show a few times over the years, and what I’ve come to learn is that while some episodes remain Must-See even 30 years later, others are fundamentally unnecessary. All up, The X-Files comes out to about 166 hours and 23 minutes in runtime (including the two films). I say about, but I went ahead and added up the runtime of every single episode of the show so I know how many seconds there are as well. I’m keeping that information to myself though. Anyway, that’s literally an hour and a half shy of 7 full days of non-stop viewing, and let’s face it, we all lead very busy lives doomscrolling and buying stuff we don’t need and asking AI to think for us, so that’s too long.

So for my last rewatch, I sat down and compiled a list of the episodes you absolutely have to watch. I got the idea from a project my twin brother, Liam, put together for me a few years ago. He encouraged me to watch Person of Interest, a show I absolutely love now, but at the time I was finding Season 1 to be a bit of a slog (it felt like they kept explaining the core concept of the show every episode and it was doing my head in). My interest waning, he put together a list of the episodes in Season 1 that he felt were fundamental. I watched those episodes, then watched all of the rest of the show, and I was glad I did. (It’s a great show) (maybe that could be a follow-up project).

For this project, I boiled the list down to six from each season. Like how the British do it, where the season ends and you’re left satisfied but wanting more, instead of bloated and desperately in need of a reprieve. We’re in a cost-of-living crisis people, we can’t gorge ourselves on empty temporal calories while the singularity bears down upon us.

And in the grand tradition of British television (and cheating at strictly numbered lists) I’ve included a few options for a “Christmas Special” episode that you can add to your watch list in case six isn’t quite cutting it.

I’ll point out ahead of time that this list includes a grand total of two ‘arc’ episodes. It’s almost entirely “Monster of the Week” episodes. That’s for two reasons. One, I always hated the mythology of The X-Files. Two, the mythology of The X-Files is bad, and the proof of that is in the final two seasons.

If, for some reason, you want to watch the mythology episodes of The X-Files, simply go to the “X-Files Episodes” wikipedia page and watch any episode that has a “double dagger” ‡ symbol next to it. You don’t need me to tell you which of those are good (two of them) and you don’t need a summary of each episode from me (“wow this sucks” repeated a hundred times).

Anyway, without further ado, the watchlist.

Season 1

It’s a brand new show! But you’re rewatching this, right, so you’re familiar with the characters? If you’re not, fear not! I’ll summarise the relevant mythology stuff for you in these inter-season breaks so you know what’s going on.

Pilot – S1E1 – This one isn’t on here by accident. You’re not watching this because ‘ya gotta start somewhere’. The Pilot episode of The X-Files is genuinely great TV. Even beyond the obvious introductions, the alien abduction storyline is, at this point, not a broken record Mulder plays when he’s spitballing how a case is an X-File exactly. The opening scene is properly scary. You definitely want to start here.

Squeeze – S1E3 – This was the episode that locked The X-Files in for me. Probably for a lot of people. Tooms is such a good villain, Mulder is smashing it as a weird-as-fuck Sherlock Holmes and the ticking clock on the entire affair ratchets up the tension immensely. 

Ice – S1E8 – On the outside, a pretty bald-faced Who Goes There/The Thing copy, what Ice gets right is it dives deep into the science of the concept. It anchors the story in a believable premise and then allows the paranoia already rampant in the show to take over. Scully gets to show us her investigative chops in Ice, and it’s awesome.

Fire – S1E9 – Do you think George R.R. Martin was anticipating this and the prior episode being some of my favourites when he wrote A Song of Ice and Fire? You do? That’s a bit of a reach. I don’t agree. Fire makes the cut because Amanda Pays and Mark Sheppard really class up the joint with their British and Irish accents, and also because it’s a cracking thriller that reminded me of pulp stories. Any time a flame ignites, the tension erupts. Hard to ignore some of the dumb bits, but that just lends itself to the pulpiness I reckon.

Beyond the Sea – S1E13 – A fantastic episode with far-reaching consequences, Beyond the Sea is the first time we get to see Mulder and Scully in reversed roles. Mulder is highly sceptical of Brad Dourif’s Boggs, but Scully… well, at the very least, she wants to believe. And in true episodic TV form, they switch back again by the end.

Tooms – S1E21 – The first sequel episode that’s not tied to the overarching mythology of the show, Tooms brings back… Tooms. It escalates his psychopathy nicely, making him more than just a ‘monster’ by having him frame Mulder—though it’s a bit of a reach in the end, when he really should have just been getting down to business (eating livers and making his cocoon). Also the first time we see Assistant Director Walter Skinner, so, you know, pretty important.

Christmas Special Options – Eve, S1E11. I’m a twin, so I always had a soft spot for Eve. It’s actually a good episode too. Maybe this should have been on the list instead of Fire. I dunno. Who’s in charge here? An emissary from The Shire informed me that I was out of line for excluding Darkness Falls, S1E20, from the list. I assume, like most Shire-dwellers, they appreciate it for its forest-vibes. Maybe throw that in the mix if you hate twins at Christmas.

Season 2

Ok so you wouldn’t know this based solely on the episodes above, but The X-Files gets shut down at the end of Season 1. It’s still shut down when Season 2 starts, and when the first episode of the season I recommend occurs.

The Host – S2E2 – On rewatch this one actually slips a bit, but it’s still one of my all-time favourites. When someone says The X-Files, the image that comes to mind is usually the Flukeman (after about a thousand images of Mulder and Scully). It’s another episode where the horror is reinforced by Scully’s scientific approach, but what really surprised me was how it retreads the same ground as it tells its tale. I guess that’s the problem with a sewer-bound creature—you’re gonna have to spend a bit of time in sewers.

Blood – S2E3 – What landed this episode for me back in the day was the end. When Mulder sees the message on the phone saying Bye Bye, I shit. I was like “oh no, Mulder is cooked”. Upon rewatch, the government constructing the circumstances required for their conspiracy to work is hilariously far-fetched, but it’s a very fun episode anyway. Scully derisively wondering aloud about how Mulder might fold UFOs into the case is also pretty peak.

Firewalker – S2E9 – SCIENCE! I said Science again! A silicon-based lifeform! A genius (played by Bradley Whitford no less) is trying to kill everyone… but why!? And in the middle of it all, Mulder and Scully, stuck once more in a remote location in a sort-of Thing situation. The way the fungus busts out of people is particularly gross, and also at one point Scully straight-up fireman carries a chick like it’s nothing. If you’re confused about why Mulder is babying Scully, by the way, it’s because a few episodes earlier she was kidnapped and separately also abducted by aliens and she’d only shown up again the episode before.

Irresistible – S2E13 – Hurk. Genuinely one of the creepiest episodes of the entire series. Nick Chinlund is beyond gross in this one. What’s incredible about it is how they once again play with your expectations. You’re watching it thinking ‘how is this an X-File?’ (Scully is thinking the same thing) but baby it is. Scully gets kidnapped again, so you could, if you wanted, watch this episode before the previous one in the list and then pretend that’s what they’re banging on about with Mulder being overprotective.

Die Hand Die Verletzt – S2E14 – Mulder and Scully are basically bystanders in this episode, but it’s great nonetheless. Small town oddity stuff, kids playing around with magic, this is a pretty timeless story and a classic of the series for a reason. Susan Blommaert is flat-out terrifying as substitute teacher Mrs Paddock. When I watched this episode way back in the 90s, it scared the absolute shit out of me. When I watched it 30 years later it still managed to do the same.

Humbug – S2E20 – Funny, intelligent and scary all at once, Humbug plays on our expectations right from the outset. The core mystery is actually kind-of dumb, but it’s played so earnestly and executed so thrillingly that Humbug winds up being one of the best episodes in a season that was actually hard to whittle down to six.

Christmas Special Options – Død Kalm, S2E19. When John Savage’s “Henry Trondheim” first appears, he’s in a corner, shrouded in shadow and isolated from the rest of the captains in the bar. It’s peak “Quint” from Jaws. Then he opens his mouth and speaks in an accent so far off Norwegian that I didn’t hear a single word he said. Perfect material for a Christmas Special.

Season 3

At the end of Season 2 Mulder goes missing and at the start of Season 3, it’s revealed that Skinner is the only person Scully can trust, kinda. He’s not yet Skinny-boy, but he’s getting there. Scully is doing A LOT on her own here. Mulder finds out his parents were shitbags and that his sister was taken, on purpose.

Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose – S3E4 – This is the best episode of The X-Files.

Revelations – S3E11 – Stigmata, man. It had such a grip on my imagination growing up. This episode is such a great exploration of Scully’s relationship with her faith, and what having faith means in a universe like the X-Files. Also it does that thing I love where Mulder is the sceptic and Scully the believer, which is always cool. It’s played straight, too, and it’s great.

War of the Coprophages – S3E12 – The opening sets the entire tone for this episode. The reveal of the white shirt being an exterminator’s, the terrifying scene where the bugs strike back and then the image of a bunch of roaches crawling on the guys back, as if they’ve overpowered him. A spectacularly clever episode. Also extra spooky if you don’t like bugs.

Grotesque – S3E14 – The abyss stares back. I’ve always loved the episodes where Mulder is confronted by his beliefs and terrified—this is one of them. Curtwood Smith is awesome in this episode as the dark reflection of what Mulder might become.

Pusher – S3E17 – I remember after this episode came out I went to the Library and checked all the back catalogue issues of Black Belt magazine to see if I could find any advertisement that resembled Modell’s, or any that claimed to teach it. I guess on some level I figured I’d learn the technique and then acquire the requisite brain tumour through some other means. Anyway, genuinely one of my favourite episodes of all time. Top 3.

Jose Chung’s From Outer Space – S3E20 – I love this episode. It seems super dumb, but it’s actually really clever, an examination of The X-Files from within the framework of the show. A lot of uncharitable descriptions of things we take for granted on the show, delivered straight for our heroes to endure.

Christmas Special Options – Syzygy, S3E13. Goofy and spooky in equal measure, it doesn’t make heaps of sense but it’s a fun one to watch all the same. Also Ryan Reynolds is in it and he’s in way over his head. Or maybe up to his neck? My brother reckons The List, S3E5, and it’s a good shout. It’s my kind of story, where the agents show up and do absolutely nothing while some supernatural force does its thing. Quite gruesome.

Season 4

Ok so the Alien Bounty Hunter is a thing, and he shows up sometimes in the good episodes, and he plays a big role in the arc episodes at the end of season three and start of season four. Scully has cancer, caused by a thing the aliens/government put in her neck.

Home – S4E2 – This one shocked the whole world when it came out. Considering everyone was super violent from passive lead poisoning, it’s funny how tame it feels by comparison to some of the stuff you’d see on TV even 10 years ago. That said, it’s a fantastic episode with a strong horror theme that carries all the way through to the very end. It’s gross and disturbing and tense all at once. If I had to pick six episodes from the entire show to watch, Home definitely earns a spot under the bed.

The Field Where I Died – S4E5 – Pretty out there, this episode. Instead of trying to rationally explain Mulder’s wild-arse past-lives theory, Scully spends 45 minutes largely making fun of him. And yet at the same time, Duchovny is putting on the acting performance of his entire life. Worth it more for the latter than the former.

Paper Hearts – S4E10 – Ahhh an episode where Mulder’s past is called into question. And where his faith in an alien abducting his sister is shaken. Always good stuff. Even better if you’re only watching these episodes, because it’s easier to ignore that we have seen, at this point in the series, incontrovertible proof that Samantha was abducted but I have skipped every single one of those episodes. Also of note: Mulder solves crime in his sleep, a little explainer of how he might have intuited where the trapdoor was in the previous episode during his daydream.

Leonard Betts – S4E12 – What an episode. The title character is sad and gross and an incredible new addition to the X-Files grotesquerie, there’s some of that sciencey stuff I always love, and there’s a stinger at the end of this episode that legitimately made me cry back in the day. Gillian Anderson is incredible.

Never Again – S4E13 – Solo Scully Ep! Scully, disillusioned and perhaps dealing with the fallout of the last episode (which was actually literally the previous episode despite our usual jumping around), half-arses the hell out of her current case and decides to bang a dude whose tattoo is controlling him with the voice of Jodie Foster.

Synchrony – S4E19 – I remember I had the book “Ground Zero” by Kevin J Anderson, a tie-in for the X-Files that I read over and over when I got it, despite it technically being the third novel released from the series. Anyway, this episode reminds me of that book despite only really having a single common element (a link to atomic bombs). It’s got Time Travel stuff though, so get into it. Also while trying to find details about the book, I found out Gillian Anderson reads the audiobook. Might be time for a revisit.

Christmas Special Options – Small Potatoes, S4E20. Super goofy episode, pretty messed up if you think about it too hard but played with enough humour that you gloss over it. And, perhaps controversially, Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man, S4E7. It’s just a fun, silly episode, and calling it an ‘arc’ ep feels wrong because I don’t think it’s actually all canon?

Season 5

Scully has cancer, given to her by the aliens, and then cured by the aliens and I feel like that paints a picture of why I hated the arc episodes.

Unusual Suspects – S5E3 – The Lone Gunmen! I always loved these guys. Also this episode contains a Munch variant! Munch being Richard Belzer’s character from Homicide: Life on the Street, Law & Order Special Victims Unit, Arrested Development, The Wire, The Beat and Luther. 

The Post-Modern Prometheus – S5E5 – I actually didn’t care for this episode back in the day. You have to understand that I used to be a piece of shit. No but for reals it was in black-and-white and I was an uncouth youth without the patience for an entire hour of TV lacking any colour. I was an idiot. A great story, executed beautifully and a fantastic rewatch.

Kill Switch – S5E11 – William Gibson! Tom Maddox! Two legendary creatives wrote this episode. Actually, another famous author wrote episode S5E10 (not in the list), but Richard Bachman’s (or whatever he’s calling himself now) story doesn’t hold up to any scrutiny at all. This one rules though. Peak Cyberpunk awesomeness. I loved it back in the day, and I love it more now. In particular is Mulder’s mental picture of Scully, projected into the machine. What a badass.

Bad Blood – S5E12 – The Rashomon episode! Mulder and Scully give their own versions of what happened in a shooting incident. A lot of fake teeth in this episode, at least from an effects perspective. What I find interesting is the contrast between how Mulder projects Scully as a protector in the previous episode versus how he views her when dealing with him in a professional capacity. One of the episodes I’ll rewatch any time. Another great Rashomon style episode of a show is Catherine Moves On – S4E7 of NewsRadio (an incredible show in its own right).

The Pine Bluff Variant – S5E18 – Not a great “X-File” in the sense that the monster is the US Government, but a belter of a story in its own right. Undercover intrigue, double crosses, triple crosses, and a fairly prescient storyline about cooker based domestic terrorism make this one hit just as hard today as it did back then. Daniel von Bargen is amazing as Jacob Haley but he’ll always be KAY-OOGER to me.

Folie a Deux – S5E19 – Holy shit what an episode. A Kafkaesque nightmare with strong They Live vibes, this episode scared the absolute shit out of me years ago, and still hit hard on the rewatch. A fantastic example of a syndrome that originated in Helsinki, Sweden.

Christmas Special Options – Detour, S5E4 or Kitsunegari, S5E8. Detour has a lot of Predator DNA in it, so you know I’m about it. It’s also very sweet, the way Scully looks after an injured Mulder. Kitsunegari is a sequel episode to the Season 3 episode “Pusher” but it’s not quite as good as any of the others named in Season 5 (and definitely not as good as Pusher) so it doesn’t make the cut on the main roster.

The X-Files: Fight the Future (The X-Files Movie) (1998)

Look, you don’t need to rewatch this movie. It’s an ‘arc’ episode writ large and also it’s not very good. I’ve included it as a detail because it occurs chronologically here and I know people will ask if it’s not listed, but this is not a recommendation.

Season 6

The X-Files gets shut down and BURNED DOWN! Mulder and Scully get reassigned to domestic terrorism cases. They’re technically not on the X-Files for the first three episodes I recommend below.

Drive – S6E2 – All you ever hear about this episode is that it’s the one that Vince Gilligan used to convince the execs at AMC to cast Bryan Cranston in Breaking Bad. That’s because Bryan Cranston is fucking amazing in this episode, but if I wanted to convince anyone to cast Bryan Cranston in anything, I’d simply show them the sequence in Malcolm in the Middle where Malcolm asks Hal to teach him how to skate. Anyway, a spooky twist on that movie, The Bus That Couldn’t Slow Down.

Triangle – S6E3 – Is this episode a dream? I mean, probably. Mulder’s mind conjured a fantasy to protect him as he floated adrift in the Bermuda Triangle, the same way his mind solves crimes while he’s asleep. Schizotypal pattern-matching, I think it’s called. But on the other hand, this is the X-Files. What if it’s not a dream? Either way it’s an incredible episode and a great watch.

Tithonus – S6E10 – This bloke Alfred Fellig has been alive for 149 years and he still can’t interact with women. Absolutely wild shit. Just walking around making sure someone’s last moments are as terrifying as fucking possible. And then he fucking redeems himself right at the end. Pretty great. Also this marks the second guy from a pizza place to make their way into The X-Files, though no Girl ever does.

Monday – S6E14 – I love a time loop. It’s a classic trope for a reason. Everyone who’s ever worked a thankless task has felt like Sisyphus cramming that boulder up a hill only to wake up the next morning and see it’s at the bottom again. This one adds in a genuinely well put together bank robbery/hostage situation, some fantastic performances by Carrie Hamilton and Duchovny and an extreme amount of waterbed related humour. Remember water beds?

The Unnatural – S6E19 – I don’t have a great love for baseball, so I had this episode flagged as a probable skip, but I gave it a shot because David Duchovny wrote and directed the whole thing and it definitely deserves a rewatch. It is a little heavy on the baseball glorification, but at its heart it’s a very clever story about friendship and caring about people who aren’t yourself, and it ends very sweetly on a note that plays to the exact same themes.

Field Trip – S6E21 – One time I ate a lot of brownies that I did not realise were not brownies and I still vividly remember slipping from one reality to another, terrified that I would never be able to navigate my way back to my own. Sometimes I worry I never really did. I wasn’t in any danger, and yet it was still one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. Add ‘being digested by a malevolent mushroom’ to the mix and I don’t know if I’d have ever recovered. Also Roy from The Office, Bobby from Supernatural and Louise from Teen Witch!

Christmas Special Options – There is only one option here. How the Ghosts Stole Christmas, S6E6. It really should have been in the regular roster, it’s like the White Christmas episode of Black Mirror (S2E4) in that  it’s the only Christmas Special I think is mandatory viewing. A fantastic Christmas episode and an incredible episode altogether. The two parter Dreamland (S6E4 and 5, the first non-arc two-parter) is also a pretty wild ride, and S6E20 Three of a Kind is a sequel to The Unusual Suspects ep, and Terms of Endearment S6E7 features an incredible performance from none other than Bruce FUCKING Campbell but How The Ghosts Stole Christmas is literally set at Christmas and is an amazing episode of its own. Season 6 was kind of all up incredible for Monster of the Week fans.

Season 7

Scully has seen enough that she’s now something of a believer, and Mulder gains and loses telepathic abilities. Also the Cigarette Smoking Man is Mulder’s father. Yeah, I know.

Hungry – S7E3 – It doesn’t quite nail what it’s going for, but it’s got a good monster and it really tries. Because it’s told from the monster’s perspective, it winds up feeling like X-Files concentrate when Mulder and Scully do show. Scully relentlessly pursues leads based in… reality, while Mulder has his suspect picked out from the get go. Mulder is, of course, correct.

The Goldberg Variation – S7E6 – It’s exactly like Joseph Stalin always said. One Deus Ex Machina is a tragedy, a million Deus Ex Machinas is a really fun, entertaining episode of The X-Files. Not at all scary, but still a great watch.

The Amazing Maleeni – S7E8 – I love magic. Unashamedly, unabashedly, wholeheartedly and with every other enthusiastic adverb you can think of. So an episode based entirely around magicians, starring one of the greatest to ever do it in Ricky Jay, is absolutely a rewatch for me. But it’s a great episode irrespective of my adoration for illusions, Michael.

X-Cops – S7E12 – Look, if you’re looking for the ramp The X-Files used to jump the shark, look no further than this episode. A crossover with the show Cops, I think the most generous take on whether this episode is satire or not is that it is definitely skewering reality TV, and that in doing so it is accidentally showing us the warped lens through which people viewed the copaganda show (and the officers within it). As a work of fiction, X-Cops is a fun episode and a great watch. As a reflection of reality, it’s a little bit bleak.

all things – S7E17 – Gillian Anderson wrote and directed this episode! So you have to watch it. But I think it’s weird that both Anderson and Duchovny, when given the opportunity to write and direct an episode, would both choose to feature very heavily the theme of life passing Scully and Mulder by while the X-Files consume them. Might be something to read into there.

Hollywood A.D. – S7E19 – Duchovny is back! Writing and Directing an episode that is really more parody than it is monster-of-the-week episode, although at least it’s not a mythology episode. It’s fun, and it’s funny, and it sort of marks the end of the real X-Files so it’s a nice note to go out on because Mulder and Scully kiss (in Gary Shandling and Téa Leoni form, at least).

Christmas Special Options – First Person Shooter, S7E13. How can this episode be so goofy and so prescient at the same time? William Gibson and Tom Maddox wrote it, of course! The effects don’t hold up at all, but it’s a funny and fun episode full of 2000s era video game nonsense. Make no mistake, The X-Files is at the apex above the shark here, but shark jumping is actually rad.

Season 8

Mulder gets abducted and Scully gets a new partner, John Doggett, played by the awesome Robert Patrick. Mulder has brain cancer, which is relevant for an episode below, but he doesn’t show up much in the episodes we watch. Duchovny effectively left the show at the end of Season 7.

Patience – S8E3 – Scully is the believer now, and John Doggett is having a rough time! What I like about this episode is how it shows a distinct difference in how each character approaches their roles. Scully views her true believer role through the lens of Mulder, while Doggett plays the sceptic by way of boots-on-the-ground police work. Still forensic, like Scully, but on the scene instead of in the lab. Also he really likes his torch. The Man-Bat is actually pretty well done in my opinion.

Roadrunners – S8E4 – This episode holds up so god damn well. Skin-crawling scenes, honestly. Doggett is super likeable in this episode, Scully’s amazing, the whole town is out of control freaky-deaky and the worm works really fucking well as a monster. If you want to skip Season 8, and I can see why you might, keep this one in anyway.

Redrum – S8E6 – Actually a pretty insane episode. I mean, it’s not an X-File. If Mulder was still around, this wouldn’t be an episode because Wells was friends with Doggett, not Mulder. But it’s still a good ep, and it actually does what X-Cops didn’t, in that Wells is a bad prosecutor doing deals with dirty cops until he gets stuck in the time loop. Also it’s nice to see Joe Morton and Robert Patrick on the same side.

Via Negativa – S8E7 – You can tell the series is off the rails with this episode, because it’s Doggett and Skinny-boy with Scully sidelined. But if this was the first episode of a brand new show, you’d be hooked. It’s derivative in exactly the right way, using well-worn tropes in brand new ways and delivering a story that is scary and interesting in its own right. Somehow the third eye effect is still better than whatever was happening in Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness.

The Gift – S8E11 – Mulder! He’s back! In flashback form! Please stay Mulder! Please!? No? Ok. Another Dog-man and Skinny-boy episode, also ‘technically’ an arc episode, but that’s the price we have to pay to get Mulder back in the mix. And the monster of this week is awesome, a classic subversive exploration of the concept that sticks the landing with every manoeuvre it attempts.

Alone – S8E19 – Prepare for whiplash on the way this episode pivots after the cold open. It kicks off like a proper spook, and then immediately devolves into a non-stop parade of references to earlier episodes of the show, a clip show without the clips. As a rewatcher, you’ll enjoy it. The monster story itself is merely fine, though.

Christmas Special Options – Christmas is cancelled, children.

Season 9

Scully has a baby! And it’s Mulder’s! They’re together properly, team. And the bad guys are threatening the kid, so Mulder returns and then leaves again, and Scully quits the X-Files to teach forensics, so the two characters at the heart of the show are gone. But this is a full rewatch guide so I guess we gotta continue. Monica Reyes, played by Annabeth Gish, is on the case in Scully’s absence and she’s not… completely disruptive. And Cary Elwes joins the show as Assistant Director Brad Folmer, and Cary Elwes is always great.

4-D – S9E4 – We’ve accepted that we’re in new X-Files right? Well, let’s see Doggett and Reyes become friends in a real headfuck of an episode. Lukesh is a creepy dude, his ability to be seemingly anywhere at once is proper scary and Annabeth Gish is really compelling. But don’t think about this one too hard, hey.

John Doe – S9E7 – Ahhh, an antimemetic predator. If you haven’t read “There Is No Antimemetics Division”, I strongly recommend it. This episode is dope regardless of my love for monsters that mess with memory—Robert Patrick is great in it, and it works on its own as a detective story showcasing the strength of Doggett as a character.

Audrey Pauley – S9E11 – I remember enjoying this episode when it first came out but it doesn’t stand up to a lot of scrutiny on rewatch. It’s kind-of eerie, shot really well, but it’s kind-of just some stuff that happens to a character I don’t really care about very much. Season nine is pretty dire though. Why didn’t I go for five episodes a season?

Improbable – S9E13 – A bit of a conundrum, this one. It’s a dumber telling of Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose, but it’s got Burt Reynolds and that dude fucking rules. He’s just so fucking cool. Not like, shades on cool (although he is), but his screen presence is just so unshakeable. He’s the perfect person to play his character. If you don’t remember who he’s supposed to be, you’ll have to rewatch it to find out.

Release – S9E17 – The foreground story here about Doggett’s son pales in comparison to the clever subversion of tropes around Mimms’ schizophrenia. It plays on our expectations constantly. He’s in The X-Files, so his gift must be supernatural. He’s in a procedural cop show, so he must be a violent killer. Robert Patrick is very good in this ep though.

Sunshine Days – S9E18 – This is the episode in The Brady Bunch house. You either love it or you hate it. I love it, because Michael Emerson is awesome (I mentioned Person of Interest is brilliant if you can get through the first season, right?). And this episode walked so Wandavision could run. That said, the ending is flat-out idiotic. It’s a poignant line, the idea that there are more important things than proving the paranormal, but it’s been proven so many times.

This is the last episode of the classic X-Files that we’re gonna watch, and I guess they wanted a bit of a ‘shutting the lights off’ moment but none of it lands.

The X-Files: I Want To Believe (2008)

If this were an episode of the show it would be pretty low on the list. The Director’s Cut doesn’t make any meaningful changes (I just finished watching it) so if you hated it the first time, that’s not changing. Like the other film, this one doesn’t make the cut.

Season 10 and Season 11

14 years pass between Seasons Nine and 10, and in that time Mulder and Scully both break-up and leave the FBI. The Lone Gunman died in an episode we didn’t watch in Season 9. I’m changing up the format a bit. Season 10 is only six episodes long for Pete’s sake, so I’m going to give you three episodes from each. And also Christmas is still cancelled.

Founder’s Mutation – S10E2 – This one’s pretty good. Mulder and Scully haven’t missed a step, they’re still cheeky and crazy smart and while it’s got a little bit of the arc stuff in it, the core mystery at the heart of this episode is really well layered.

Mulder and Scully Meet The Were-Monster – S10E3 – Rhys Darby and Kumail Nanjiani are so good in probably the best episode of The X-Files in, at time of airing, 15 plus years. Both slot into the timing of Duchovny and Anderson as if they were all decades long scene partners, and the story itself is the exact sort of quirky, goofy and poignant that has made every Darin Morgan episode a lock for the rewatch list.

Home Again – S10E4 – Philadelphia? The Trashman? This episode would have been a lot better if it had been about Frank Reynolds, but it’s not. It wouldn’t have made the cut in any other season except for here, where I penned myself in with my dumb “six episodes from every season” thing and I’ve already cheated by doing just three.

The Lost Art of Forehead Sweat – S11E4 – This episode reminds me a lot of the unproduced X-Files spec script Crampton by Thomas Ligotti and Brandon Trenz, except not a bleak, existential nightmare. It’s actually a pretty fantastic study on how closely related dread and comedy are, and how setups for either can be turned simply by changing the pay-off. Brian Huskey is a perfect fit for Reggie, and Skinny-boy shows up at the end with the perfect finishing move.

Rm9sbG93ZXJz – S11E7 – The voiceover at the beginning perfectly describes Grok’s first year of existence and then 60 seconds after the opening credits, Scully brings up a real news story about how Elon Musk warned that artificial intelligence is vastly more of a threat than North Korea. The rest of the episode is a boomer parable about not looking at your phone while eating, but it’s very well executed.

Familiar – S11E8 – Look, I’ll say it. That little kid at the start deserved to die. Anyway, a pretty classic X-File all up. A decent one to finish on, although if you wanted to wrap up on the previous episode, I wouldn’t blame you. But me? I like a story about a spellbook linked to the dark past of a town.

And there you have it. A comprehensive rewatch guide! How did I go? Did I skip your absolute favourite? Include a complete dud (and not just because Season 9 forced my hand?) Any Christmas Special eps you thought deserved a spot on the main roster? Let me know on BlueSky.

If you enjoyed it and you’d like to see something that (hopefully) takes inspiration from the best of these episodes, check out my new book Final Final Girl! Which I linked literally just above, but here it is again!

 And by the way, the “seconds” count is, by my maths, 43.

The Full List At A Glance

• Season 1
• S1E1 – Pilot
• S1E3 – Squeeze
• S1E8 – Ice
• S1E9 – Fire
• S1E13 – Beyond the Sea
• S1E21 – Tooms
• Christmas Special Option: S1E11 – Eve / S1E20 – Darkness Falls
• Season 2
• S2E2 – The Host
• S2E3 – Blood
• S2E9 – Firewalker
• S2E13 – Irresistible
• S2E14 – Die Hand Die Verletzt
• S2E20 – Humbug
• Christmas Special Option: S2E19 – Død Kalm
• Season 3
• S3E4 – Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose
• S3E11 – Revelations
• S3E12 – War of the Coprophages
• S3E14 – Grotesque
• S3E17 – Pusher
• S3E20 – Jose Chung’s From Outer Space
• Christmas Special Option: S3E13 – Syzygy
• Season 4
• S4E2 – Home
• S4E5 – The Field Where I Died
• S4E10 – Paper Hearts
• S4E12 – Leonard Betts
• S4E13 – Never Again
• S4E19 – Synchrony
• Christmas Special Options: S4E20 – Small Potatoes / S4E7 – Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man
• Season 5
• S5E3 – Unusual Suspects
• S5E5 – The Post-Modern Prometheus
• S5E11 – Kill Switch
• S5E12 – Bad Blood
• S5E18 – The Pine Bluff Variant
• S5E19 – Folie a Deux
• Christmas Special Options: S5E4 – Detour / S5E8 – Kitsunegari
• Movie: The X-Files [1998] – Skip
• Season 6
• S6E2 – Drive
• S6E3 – Triangle
• S6E10 – Tithonus
• S6E14 – Monday
• S6E19 – The Unnatural
• S6E21 – Field Trip
• Christmas Special Option: S6E6 – How the Ghosts Stole Christmas (Honorable Mentions: S6E4/S6E5 – Dreamland, S6E7 – Terms of Endearment, S6E20 – Three of a Kind)
• Season 7
• S7E3 – Hungry
• S7E6 – The Goldberg Variation
• S7E8 – The Amazing Maleeni
• S7E12 – X-Cops
• S7E17 – all things
• S7E19 – Hollywood A.D.
• Christmas Special Option: S7E13 – First Person Shooter
• Season 8
• S8E3 – Patience
• S8E4 – Roadrunners
• S8E6 – Redrum
• S8E7 – Via Negativa
• S8E11 – The Gift
• S8E19 – Alone
• Christmas Special Option: None (Christmas is Cancelled)
• Season 9
• S9E4 – 4-D
• S9E7 – John Doe
• S9E11 – Audrey Pauley
• S9E13 – Improbable
• S9E17 – Release
• S9E18 – Sunshine Days
• Christmas Special Option: None (Still Cancelled)
• Movie: The X-Files: I Want to Believe [2008] – Skip
• Seasons 10 & 11
• S10E2 – Founder’s Mutation
• S10E3 – Mulder and Scully Meet The Were-Monster
• S10E4 – Home Again
• S11E4 – The Lost Art of Forehead Sweat
• S11E7 – Rm9sbG93ZXJz
• S11E8 – Familiar
• Christmas Special Option: None (Still Cancelled)